Throw Artie/miscellaneous guy between Brittany and Santana and it’s funny and a hot threesome.
Make same threesome joke with Rachel/Kurt/Blaine and everyone’s foaming at the mouth because it’s “disrespectful.”
Everyone and her mom in America knows about how brave Kurt is for running away from Karofsky to Dalton Academy where there is a zero-tolerance No Bullying Policy, and for just happening to bump into what appears to be the only other gay boy in the school, who also happens to be the star performer in thatschool’s show choir. And now they’re on the way to living happily ever after in the upcoming season.
No one seems to remember/realize/care that Santana lives in constant self-doubt about herself because she’s in love with her best friend while guys like Puck constantly leer and suggest threesomes, which in our society are (pathetically) the only way a female version of Kurt’s wonderful and perfect relationship is considered legitimate.
No one seems to remember/realize/care that Santana brought Kurt back from Dalton so that he could rejoin his only friends and compete in Nationals after his school was eliminated by McKinley. She did it for reasons so convoluted, they had to be explained in voiceover, but it was “the key to getting back Britt.”
When Santana pushed Brittany away because she couldn’t accept her feelings for her, Brittany ran to Artie, who thought he won the jackpot and got the hottest girl in the school, starting the Barfie chapter: where the handicap-able boy somehow gets the girl, and no one cares how because they’re just so cute together. Sure he makes fun of her intelligence sometimes, but it’s really for her own good because she needs a magic comb to believe in herself. And he sings her cute songs in front of people in class to let her know what a “pretty young thing” she is as an apology. Obviously, if your boyfriend doesn’t have the decency to at least sing to you in public to tell everyone how pretty you are after he calls you stupid, well, girls, better find yourself an Artie Abrams who will.
Of course, by now, you’d have realized that it’s a given that no one cares that Santana comforts Brittany and sings to her about how much she loves her and how much she cares about her in an empty classroom because she’s afraid of being labeled/harassed. Because everyone knows Santana is the bitch who always has a snarky comment ready when she’s attacked. Oh except for that one time Rachel said that the only job she’d ever have is “working on a pole,” and everyone thought it was funny.
You’d also have wondered, hopefully, why a girl who’s shown as much - if not more - bravery than Kurt (figurative and Entertainment Weekly gay cover boy) doesn’t raise a blip on anyone’s radar who isn’t either a lesbian or a bisexual girl. Unless it’s Chris Colfer reinforcing bisexual Brittany as the proverbial slut who blindly chases both girls and boys (even though she knows they’re gay, see: Klaine skits in Glee Live Tour 2011) because she just wants to make out with someone. Or unless it’s Harry Shum Jr. saying that Brittana’s cool, because guys like seeing girls kiss/have sex, and not because the girls are in love with each other. Or unless it’s Kevin McHale lamenting repeatedly why Artie can’t have both Brittany and Santana.
So that’s a gay, a straight, and an undetermined, who all think that Brittany and Santana are a legitimate relationship only if a man, spectating or participating, is in the equation. All three work on Glee, “the gayest show on television.” Is it just me or is something fucking wrong with this picture?
Don’t give me the “It was just a joke” bullshit. This should never have been a joke in the first place (see: first two points of post). I don’t consider myself a feminist. You might disagree if you actually read through this essay, the length of which I did not intend to be this long when I started. I just got more pissed off the more I wrote; the gayest show on television, (in)famous for trumpeting “Equality” using whatever preachy/cheesy/gaga methods are necessary, can’t portray women respectfully. Girls are bitches who steal each other’s boyfriends, and sluts who are hypersexual and will sleep with any and everyone in the school.
I know I should be grateful that Brittany and Santana have gotten as many meaningful scenes as they have, considering the pile of shit the rest of TV has had to offer us. Thanks Brad/Ryan/Ian. But I’m not going to kiss your feet and thank you for how progressive and amazing your show is.
Because Rachel is a mess without Finn. Quinn is a mess without a boy
, any boy, to love her. Lauren plays head-games to keep Puck neutered. Mercedes is forever alone and doesn’t have storylines unless it involves tots. Tina is attached to Mike’s abs 24/7.
And Brittany and Santana, who have had arguably one of the most unique and misrepresented storylines in television, who have had the most heartfelt I-Love-Yous out of ANYONE, are currently being relegated to the void because ONE girl dealing with her sexuality is hard enough and obviously having the girl she’s in love with who’s also in love with her by her side for emotional support is going to make it so much harder for her to deal with her conflicted emotions.
And also in case Artie ever wants to win Britt back with a cute pedophilic song/double date with Puck/token slut at Breadstix.